to my family

mama- thanks for all the love, being the best and fun mama....
tatay- thanks for all the love, for being good provider...
mon- thanks for being my slave and playmate
ate- thanks for being understanding
dodong- thanks for giving us crazy adventures with your antics
inday- thanks for being supportive...
in-laws- thanks for loving my siblings
loyze, bianca & third- thanks for being cute...hahahaha

To my boyfriend....

-you're all the man that i need..
thanks for coming back!! Happy New Year to us both!!
(luyo-genic...hahahaha... Peace!!)

Christmas with my HR Family

-another year of celebrating good times with my HR family..it is seldom,
we find family at work. So i feel fortunate to be a daughter , a sister , a friend, a mentor
to my colleagues..
Looking forward for more years with all of you...

Merry Christmas.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
-may all our dreams and wishes come true...

I'm loving an Angel Instead

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're grey and old
'cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm lovin' angel instead

And through it all he offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't forsake me
I'm loving angel instead

bowling buddies

my bowling buddies.. are semi-retired..for the ff: reasons

1. shift to badminton (that's why i really really hate that sport)
2. they're too old to lift the bowling ball
3. no enough cash to rent the lane and shoes
4. cannot join the tournament anymore, so why bother practice?
5. they're no longer friends in the office>>>>conflict of interest (hahahaha...)
6. they hate each other so much they can't stand rubbing elbows with one another..(~~@~~)

wahhhh..i miss those times when we we're striking like lightnings...i miss herbert and his persuasive (pa-baga) way of soliciting money from almost everybody just to afford our once-upon-a time vice...

our uniforms.....

Strawberry frost...everyday I LOVE YOU...haha

Vu and her string

Her song played today
A melancholic tune of longing
and of sadness , just the way she’s living now
Somewhat, brings chill in the midday air…

It’s chorus resonates her unspoken words
Waiting to find it’s voice in the void..
But forever it clings in her mind
Tied to her past again and again..

It ends with the whispered lyrics
Like the falling of dew.. lost and shattered..
Reunites with oblivion in the sleepy afternoon
Never to be heard ‘til it plays again…

Ang mga Baki

Delia , my gurdian, my friend...ever supportive and spoiler..

THANKS A LOT BAKI!!

Sunset in your eyes

Sunset in your eyes (for ava/bing /loray)

Few good people come and they go
They were forgotten and they sailed on
They pass the days and they perish in the night
But your are someone who stays on

you are one of the treasure worth sharing
for though time has brought us many people
and minds and hearts and time had strings pulled in all directions
But I still see you on that place where I’d go too.

I’ve seen your days and you’ve seen mine
And it always brings me a nostalgic feel to memorize your life
Walking on that path where you walked too
And you, looking at the gold dimming sky…
… always, I find comfort at that sunset in your eyes…

My migraine..Bow!

the worst thing that comes next to my allergy is my migraine.. I have had this throbbing pain in my head..., way back ....i don't know. Usually, i can take it , often times, i always call on Dolfenal to the rescue... Sometimes, it made me crazy.... i can't tolerate noise/light/movement/ in short it reduced me to some kind of grumpy maggot.
I always called in sick when i had migraine and it's too bad when i had attack during the most important of days that going home could never be an option. Just imagine hearing your boss so-so annoying voice, i wish i will just die...

today, my migraine hit off to the tee and it's breaking my head... I wish there's a head transplant... i would really exchange mine...wahhh

when the shutter clicks, there's no stopping us...

my girls!!! hahahha... it's great to spend time with crazy ladies..... poised gihapon bisan gikan sa kasaba!! hahaha

>> best smiles anyone?

>> the dynamic duo, dili jud mobalibad bsan imposible na ang ipabuhat... that's the spirit!!
Our motto: Never say never....

5 years nako sa Mehitabel.... Congrats to ME!!!!

>> surviving 5 years with unwavering loyalty!! I'm sooooooo proud of my self!!

I had always loved the hands that feed me... I am very grateful for the people who had helped and supported me since i first came here (Nov. 29, 2002)

LDH, APP, Dwight, Delia, Ayen, Rhoda, Elyn, Mae, Tessie, Edna, Shayne and Jack...

sad sad clown....

I miss bing! I miss ava! I miss loray! I miss ayen! I miss hazel! Wahhhh! I’m missing a lot of people.. My no-conscience friends or the lack of it are forgetting me nowadays… Maybe I should play pranks on these people again! Maybe they need a dose of their neglecting habits…Maybe they ought to remember me again the hard way! Hahahaha…

Advice: Be at least 200 meters away when you open my gifts to you!! ok? Merry Christmas to your earthlings!!

angels come in different forms..

Seeing you again made me happy. For the endless times before, I had prayed to see you. There maybe times you were forgotten, you drift at the very back but every now and then you come to mind and I had always hoped that you are fine..

Knowing you again…I see a different man and I’m truly glad to have kept your memory.. If for any consolation of the days, months and years of silence, it would be seeing you at your best now.. I am proud of what you’ve become..

happiness is...

私の天使を愛しています。

Painting by Gustav Klimt

1. Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I by Gustav Klimt

(I was surprised to know that my favorite nouveau artist owns the most expensive painting of all times...)

This painting was sold to Ronald Lauder for his Neue Galerie in New York City for $135 million in June 2006 at auction in Christie's, New York. Portrait of Dr. Gachet is painted in June 1890 by Austrian Symbolist painter Gustav Klimt. The portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer, the wife of a Jewish sugar industrialist Ferdinand Bloch-Bauer and the hostess of a prominent Vienna salon, is considered one of the artist's masterpieces. Adele Bloch-Bauer became the only model who was painted twice by Klimt when he completed a second picture of her, Adele Bloch-Bauer II, in 1912

walking on a foggy way

Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking in a fog.. vague things suddenly come to me in hasty way, I can’t even understand them.

It ‘s like waking up after 36-hour sleep, you wake up alone , quite dark and cold and yet you can’t hardly determine if it is dusk or dawn.. When I try to make my thoughts clear, it made me more confused.. One friend told me that I was hard to figure out, because I am never black nor white.. I am always part of the continuum that range from that line.. Neither I am grey..

Often times, I ask my self, “am I not normal?”. Other people knows exactly where to go, they get there and they are happy.. AS for me, I like to think I have a direction, but somewhere along my walks , I feel in love with the vicious walking I do and end up walking in circles, never getting anywhere.. Worst thing, I am happy being like this.

whiling away

you come to me in that windy noon

and told me i will soon forget
in that stoic way you hold your cigarette
there's no chance i will see you again..

your backseat was full of luggage
living and leaving in that roving style
you come and you love and you go just like that..
sniffing your cigarette,throwing the butts..

you look at me like a face without eyes,
so devoid, so eager to go ..all's a done deal for you.
the wind's so strong , i need to go too
just take me back home, i need a ride...

ALL is in the ATTITUDE

What is a positive ATTITUDE ???

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"

Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "

President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President : "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your ATTITUDE should be positive.

--what is not a woman

I was on my way home riding a jeep when 3 transvestites got in. You could mistake them as real women. In fact, they have exaggerated women features that you started to look at your self then look at them...they look more womanly than me! They were wearing the shortest mini-skirt I’ve seen just enough to conceal the only remnants of their being men…Their tops are very revealing,,, too much that their silicon-implanted breasts were almost popping out…They were so loud and obscene, showing their enhanced parts to everyone that cause me to feel embarrassed..
These transvestites are shaming women in every sense....It was not funny seeing them flaunting themselves, it’s very disgusting seeing them make fun of their “woman-body”..

I was looking at them and I realized that no matter what surgery had done for them, they could never become women..

Femininity is what a woman is all about.

Femininity is being dignified because as women , we are life –givers.

Fairy on the loose

-- it's been more than a decade i guess since i had a close encounter with dragonflies... When i was small i use to chased them and hold their wings so gently, hoping they would turn into real life fairies .. Last Sunday, i had a visitor...a beautiful, yellow dragonfly...a fairy on the loose ..

curing the blues 3

( 1st photo- pre-finish painting without the details yet)

The Parola ( Liloan)
-guide the ship to safety
for the hearts waiting on the shore..
though the lights flicker til dawn
and embers die, the first sight of light..
forever it stands to light the dark night...

--thoughts to get by

When life becomes too difficult, too unbearable.. one should remember that:

• all people have problems
• all people get sad and depressed for no apparent reasons
• all people get sick no matter how careful they are
• all people have sleepless nights
• all people feel ugly at some point even beauty queens
• all people get hurt by other people, specially the one's closest to them
• all people can't have everything they want
• all people are openly vulnerable specially when they're in love
• all people who love gets hurt
• all people experience loneliness
• all people wish they could rewind time
• all people experienced going to sleep hungry
• all people trust and get betrayed
• all people have episodes of hopelessness
• all people gets tired and weak and suicidal
• all people will die ... no one is too strong, mighty, powerful, beautiful or special to evade death...

despite that, we should took solace that :

• hours move, days passed, and time heals
• we have God to surrender our burden to
• we can change our path, anytime we are ready
• there will always be people to help us
• money can be earned
• beauty is relaive-- ugliness is also relative
• people who hurt us today will eventually be hurt by other people someday...
• loving is a wonderful thing
• death is a part of life... not the opposite of it...

curing the blues 2

" Calm Day"


details of this painting

curing the blues...

i had been having much time lately.. that is spare time.. to idle ,to think , to rest, to just sleep but sometimes, times like these are simply depressing and boring the hell out of me... i had wanted these free -idle times but just the same i'm not a master of making most of my free times...

the more i have time, the more i get lost...maybe i just got too used with following schedules and rules.. damn!

anyway, i had the whole weekend, and got to grab my easel and paintbrush... doing something only me could appreaciate... wahhhhhhaaaa... i painted this weekend..

this is called " Forest Fire"

details of this painting

parts and the whole

In life there are things that are meant for us and things that are not. No matter what we do if certain things are not compatible with our destiny, then it will never be successful. Sometimes, we push our luck over situations, or push our selves to people but we just end up stale, we end up frustrated and hurt..
Everything in life is a matter of investment, I believe...
Some investment goes up, others go down while some becomes stagnant. We can choose to risk or play safe. What the end of the line will be, we don't know. But always, we can make ourselves less vulnerable by being prepared of anything... Never go through life without rehearsal..PRACTICE!
When i was younger, I thought that life is better with spontaneity...just go with the flow, never plan!! But the more I see things, the more I realized that iron clothes always looks better than wrinkled ones...Never reversible!!

Life is wonderful when it is not governed by rules...
TRUE. But reality tells us that it isn't so. We are bound by it, we should live with it. My experience tells me that the more we live simply and abide by the rules, the more freedom we have. The law of life is simple if you live and expect simply... But we are primed to live big time, expect high, dream more...Hence, it is complicated because we made it so... I have a simple heart but I have a complicated mind. In effect, I am burdened by the fact that both affects are always in conflict..

It is always easy to breeze through life, tell yourself "I can do anything with my life. This is mine, I own it" but in truth, we only own a part of our existence. For most of us, we don't even own our time. For some, our minds are already sold to other entity. The more we are involved, the more we lose ourselves. How to get involve and still retain our sense of being is a high-point challenge.. When I look at my mom, I don't see her wholly. I see her as my mother, other part of her is my father's wife, other part as a friend of somebody, other fragmented parts of her are scattered across situations... When she is all alone, devoid of all the roles, who is she? I will never know
Life is like this... We are whole yet fragmented. Not bad as long as the parts co-exists with the whole.. Sad thing happens when some parts of our self got lost somewhere along the way..
I read this passage from a book, " I am what I started with. When this is all over , I will be what is left of me.." Exactly!!

am coming to you.....soon..

huhuhuhu....im so excited ...am moving in a few months..

unlikely ingredients

i had always been fascinated with statistics... my mind is primed in such a way that everything happens for a particular correlational reason...inverse or otherwise.. but destiny is something that probably exist but i refused to believe..
in this world, i always thought that people and events have propensity to occur at the same time hence a situation happens...meeting an unknown person in a certain unique event becomes an avenue of you sharing situation with each other, it's either the situation becomes repulsive or attractive to both person.. If it is mentally and emotionally likeable , then relationship may happen if not, people drift as usual...
why we meet this person and not that person? why we allow events to happen with particular people and not with others? why open up our selves to this person and not that one?

- maybe because people have particular -unique purpose and not all people can be contributing factors of your particular purpose. So maybe, people and situation have this natural selection tendency that pulls us to that particular person and events that will help us achieve our own unique purpose (in an unconscious subliminal level)..

i have friends, not so many.. all very different , all very unique in their own ways.. Between me and 1 friend, we are best friends. Between them without me, they can never be friends....
People in a relationship either friends, lovers, family, etc are like ingredients in a dish. The dish chooses compatible ingredients..no matter how delicious tomatoes or potatoes or carrots are but they can never be in a particular dish... Just like people...
If a person has no correlational reason to be with you, then it's unlikely to connect to that person...

>>> so now, back to my theorem. I am pondering upon my self, why i connect to very unlikely people? People who don't seem to help me in my purpose? Hmmm, maybe my purpose is very unique in the first place....
Maybe my relationship with the people i connect with is like the weird dish that only my friend Ava could say delicious.....rice with sardines soak in Milo chocodrink...

Pasko na naman...o kay tulin ng araw....

wow! it's already the 3rd day of September..

Hmmm, Filipinos have this penchant for celebrating Christmas starting on the 1st day of the ber month...I can hear Christmas songs on the radio and TV already... and soon, there will be carolers,,,kid-earners who eventually became feisty carolers knocking on your door 1o times a day for 3 months...hmmm who demands 5-peso for a 10 second rendition of "we wish you a merry Christmas"....
-- but no matter what , Christmas warms our heart and soul, it always reminds us of happy times and stress-less life, childhood times where smiling without reason is normal...
For me it is the most anticipated event of the year...i always look forward to Christmas when i was a kid, waiting for gifts... and now, it's my turn to give gifts..
Christmas air is always different, it has it's distinct smell and taste and feel.
I hope my Christmas as well as my friends' and family's Christmas would be a wonderful one!!

frienships and trusts....

how do you trust a person?
how one knows that this person can be trusted or not?
what determines really friend.. ?
what is a friend?

people are very difficult to trust with.. we all have motives.. we all have our own concerns and we have our own ambitions.. even relatives betray each other.. how much more friends....

it's my current dilemma.. i help people not because they are my friends or i like them.. I help people because they asked for my help... but some people even friends don't sustain "honor" in the advent of adversity.. they break ties, they become ungrateful, they become selfish...
i have always good view in people, i lend my hand easily... i was never deprived so i always felt the need to give back what i could lend... but i have what ifs...?

sometimes, i felt used... am i bad for feeling like that?

whatever is there, i have faith in friends,, sometimes, i don't feel the need to have one.. but i must admit life is a little less lonely with people around...real friends or pseudo ones....

meeting ghosts

- needless to say, i had very few people in my life. I could count them easily. Sometimes, i wonder why I am not like others. I don't like many people and not so many people liked me too... One of my friend bluntly told me, "maybe because you are too obvious of your dislike to them". "Maybe you are too obvious that you don't want them in your life". Maybe that is true...
You see, attachment is an issue for me, i like people but i don't like attachment. I don't like duty-bound relationship. I shun commitment because it makes you unreal. Without commitment, people can move freely...I can move freely. The thought of having someone track you down 24/7 and you reporting to that particular someone like a mafia boss is soooo so annoying for me.
Many people thought of my disbelief in commitment as a sort of disloyalty...or a sort of personality defect in my part.. But you know, the bottom line is, i just fear losing people... And much more, losing many people.... so i keep small number of them.. The smaller their number, the bigger part will be left of me once they decide to leave....
That is selfish analogy, but truth is truth...And that's how i see it.
Some of the people i chose to keep, leave. And i let them. I forget them, no tears no issue. But the trouble is, when these people decide to come back....It shakes me and baffles me where to place these people in my life again. It disturbs me... "what to do?"
Meeting them is like smelling that wilted flower again. Alive yet dead...
I just wish they never left.....i wish they did not come back.....

anomaly of existence

most often we are taught to approach life from a perspective of survival, lack, scarcity and fear... We were taught that life is about destination , and that when we get to point X, be it marriage or college degree or fame or fortune or whatever----> then we will live happily ever after..

But that is not the way life works.
We keep on living life as if it is a dress rehearsal for "when my time comes".For when we really start to live. For when we get the relationship , or accomplishment , or money that will make us okay, that will fix us.

We do not need fixing . We are not broken.

the approach that society taught us is very dysfunctional,and sad way to relate life. We are always empowering ourself with fear which is all about the future and shame which is all about the past. We are not capable of being in the now and enjoying life because we are caught up in trauma about things which have not yet happened- or wallowing in orgies of self-recrimination about the past, which cannot be changed.

We are made to think that we are broken, and so we obsessed our self of trying to fill the hole within.

viral sarcasm..i love it!

I am Obsessed!!
-hahahaha..it's been a long time since i had an obsession .. But guess what..I am obsessed with Dr. House..I simply love that series...and that great guy Hugh Laurie.
It's funny how a person so unlikeable , so arrogant and insensitive became one of America's most loved sex symbol...Duh!blame it on the cane or. Vicodin??...
anyway, i wanna share some of the best quotes I got from that series...



"Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours.

"OK, fine. I'll father your child. But first you gotta write me a Vicodin prescription. Just so I can get through the foreplay."

"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."


"Loss of free will. I like it. Maybe we can get Thomas Aquinas in for a consult."

“Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.”

“You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.”

Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.

-this insane series had kept me sane in my insane moments....

spending my time

today i feel more mature than yesterday, i learn the real meaning of discerning and
i am proud of my self for being able to withhold my bad feelings .
i had stifled some thoughts and i harbor bad feelings over a person for the past few days and i am not happy about it. Many bad thoughts come to mind and stays there. Like all poisons that are not released, killing memories of good times little by little..
Just last night i thought about it and I decided to let go of those bad emotions once and for all, they are hindering me from thinking straight and it's not even worth it.
If I can live without the need to hear, see, touch that person....then he's not worth it.
If I can live without the need of his thoughts and opinions....then he's not worth my time.
If I can live without the need for his money....then he's not worth it.
If I can live and be happy without the need to share it with him......then he was not even worth it.
If I can feel dignified and proud without the need of his reassurance....then he was not worth it.

time spent, is time lost....if i need to live a happy life then i should spend it building good times instead of wrecking it with bad thoughts....

Bravado meets Menopause 2

The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important!

Bravado meets Menopause

menopausal stage is one of the most dreaded thing a braggart person could ever encounter. when his self-effacing truth is finally questioned and everything he previously believed to be his forte is no longer believable. when he yells, he is more annoying than frightening...
when his arrogance is deemed defensive for the lack of eager audience...

when anchor wobbles, jump ship

when job becomes too emotional and life in the workplace becomes overly dramatic , it's time to start composing the inevitable "goodbye colleagues letter" a.k.a Resignation letter..

I was never a dramatic person (and never will i be)...many times, I've been interpreted by people as "no-feelings" person , we'll that might sound true but u know, i also feel but it's just that i don't like to feel strongly for situations or things or even some people..I have my reasons which i don't need to explain. I hate explaining and i hate confrontation...
Once a person enters in the vicious phase , that is "WORK", at first he/she becomes elated...work means money and money is equated to freedom but later will he/she knows that work is like a thick-metal prison...even Michael Scoffield couldn't break away....it becomes a suffocating force pulling you out of your bed in the middle of wonderful dream, suffocating force that keeps you standing even if every inch of your body is mad tired and wants to collapse, suffocating force squeezing your brain.....crazy!! Work is a complete arch-enemy of Freedom.. And sometimes if not always, a person deprived of freedom can be overly emotional and reactive. And hence, "the office" being packed of freedom-deprived earthlings becomes like a mine-filled land...people explode like bombs when provoked.
I had many people coming to me telling me how stressful their lives at work are..i've heard them all i guarantee you....from assholes bosses, torturing shifts, management conflicts, unfair salary distribution to office relations (illicit, illegal...whatever), skirt lengths , even stapler and bondpaper problems.... I had my share of work problems too... damn!how can they expect me to be master-adviser of the same problems i can't even start to solve my self...But i always have my one-liner which is like a mantra but is never followed... "Quit! Jump ship" ...hahahaha... go fish..
Many a times i told my self the same line but up til now am still sailing on the same ship.. Work for me has surpassed the level of just money, my work place is a community where people hang on each other for survival...One employee is like a nail keeping the ship glued; 1,2 or 5 rusted nails could pluck-out a wood causing water to enter, causing the ship to sink..
Mud-slinging, back-stabbing, power play are words I often hear from the vile-filled mouths of employees who have nothing to occupy their idle times with...If for some reasons, you feel injusticed by the way things are not turning towards you then by all means jump ship...you are keeping your workplace emotional and you are inflaming people..
If for any consolation be decent enough to respect the hands that feed your mouth.....

sarcasm and the pikon

-i was browsing the net a while ago and i discovered that there actually is a a society for the sarcastic... www.sarcasmsociety.com
i was really baffled as i never imagined that sarcastic people have this appetite to form some kind of community and talk like normal people...i could only guess how this people might talk:

person1:hi there! you look great in your photo.....but you know, photoshop could do wonders...just kidding
person2: thanks... this is me unedited...is that you on your pic ID? maybe you should test if photoshop could really do wonders..
person 1: hahahaha...changing this look might disappoint the world...
person2: aha!!! yeah...am sure...we should promote extinction...
person1: <<@_@>>
person2: (>^_^)>

i could only imagine if the world is dominated by sarcastic people......hehhehehehe... it might be fun.....

when friends are sad....

-sometimes words ain't enough....
how can one comfort the other in the truest sense?.. words spoken are merely words, no power ,no strength, it doesn't cease the pain nor solve the problem..
this i realized.. I've been thru my own share of downs but it never reach the pit the way a friend is experiencing right now...I want to cry her pain but i feel that i don't even have the slightest sense of how painful her life is so i could only stifle my feelings and just watch her cry her self out..
maybe she only need my silence so i could hear her...i wish i could give her my time but you know, i don' t even own one-half of it. I wish i could give her a million but i don't have any...
the only thing i could give her maybe, is being her bestfriend.........

hey!!
i could be ur slave for a month
promo period ends: August 13, 2007

spaced out.....

Oppps,,opps. just got back from the grave! O hisashiburri desu ne!!
When i usually get silent it means some broths getting cooked... ahahha.
Basically, i'm extremely busy at some point and extremely bored on other times so just the mere thought of writing or even thinking is too damned hard...i'm in my robotic stage where i moved by command. Many people get confused when i am at this state but real friends knew that this is just an episode , no feelings involved.. haha..

time flies too fast before we knew it, another month would gracefully exit and comes another month..it is so sudden that most of the nights when my eyes just won't close, i ask my self.. "what have i done today?" and the answer would be "nothing significant". Sometimes it just hit me hard and made me sad but most of the times i don't bother. I am 26, some of my batch mates are doing significantly great while others are doing miserably awful...i am in the middle- in the safe ground..i am waiting for things to happen and i let people wait for me... bakka!! This is the real scenario and a lot of people are pressuring me into doing what is conventionally done by people at my age....marry the guy!!!..but it's just not rational to do it now.. it's like suicide for me... it's nice to have someone in your life, it's total bliss, total happiness, it's crappy, it's mushy , it's corny to be in love yet , IT is aLSo wondErFul..

just yesterday i had a serious talk with my cousin..and we talked much things we never dared mentioned to any living soul.. finally i get to blurt some bitter vile i've been keeping and it made me breathe just to finally let it out.. thanks to her..

to those concern:
i will marry when george clooney decides that we finally end our dating stage and settle down for good. hahaha
p.s.
Otoko wa doko desu ka? Yoi otoko o kudasai....お願いします。
どうもありがとう。

Tatay, My Super Hero

i remember vividly when i was 6 years old and my sister is 7... we were called by our father right after dinner to have an important talk... you know, we don't usually talk serious matters in the house, so when things like that happens we usually get nervous....

" okay..from now on, i want both of you to call me Tatay instead of Papa..." my father said..

" are we becoming poor?" i ask.... You see, some of our poor playmates call their father "tatay", while all our rich playmates call their father "Daddy or Papa" so i had this notion that the word tatay had that connotation... well, anyway ... we called my father "Tatay"... our elder siblings call him "Papa"....

- a father is a hero, for the constant unselfishness they had. My father had always been away while we are growing up, i remember it right , he was assigned to almost all parts and corners of the Philippines to set up systems and sometimes we don't see him for months but I always knew that my father is somewhere feeding his loneliness with the thought of giving good future to his family...

- a father is a safe refuge... When i was little up til now, I always feel safe when my father is around, he is like Batman who is always on the look out for bad elements...Even tired, he never complains of driving us around just to get us safe to where wanted to go..Even tired, he and mama never sleep waiting for us to safely arrived home..

- a father is a unique entertainer... Tatay had always been a serious person. Never smiled easily and don't talk much.. But my father had his ways of keeping us happy. He never failed to bring some goodies from work when i was little.. Tatay's arrival home has always been a race for us..always excited what he had for us... even if he has no money but we always had that special white rabbit as "pasalubong"...

-a father is an ATM machine forver...my father had been a very good provider... We never had much but we always had enough..I know how my father work his ass off just to send us to good school and provide us comfortable lives. Uptil now, i still bother asking my father some money specially when i run out of cash... hehehe..

- a father is a lightning when you seemed spaced out...i had made loads of blunders in my life.. and many times, i get spaced out, blinded by things ..i had a rebellious soul, so i do things without considering the consequence... so when i seemed to lost track, bang!!! my dad is like Zeus throwing angry lightnings at me!!

I am very proud of the man who became my father.. I had always been happy to be his daughter...I am happy for the things he had accomplished in his life and I will forever be grateful for this person who unconditionally loved his family..

To the man I love the most, to my Tatay!!

Happy Father's Day!!

Vengeance of the Aliens

the aliens had finally made their attack!!!..... to manifest their power and existence in this world we call LFI!! The mission: to decapitate the livings and just make us shut up!! it was obviously a retaliation of the previously written article which my colleagues responded with ardent hatred as if the aliens had done them crimes worthy of capital punishment!! Well, anyway... there's no stopping me of writing anythings, unless they take out my keypad.. These guys might had taken a course in Behavioral Conditioning...you know B.F. Skinner the proponent of behavioral conditioning? He had promoted the idea of both Positive reinforcement and Negative reinforcement. The idea is introducing a positive reinforcement in order to elicit favorable response....very well done! Then came the inevitable! Implementing negative reinforcement to elicit a response...What then is a negative reinforcement? It is not putting some negative stimulus in the environment but taking away the perks and the add-ons... basically this is what the aliens are doing in their subtle invasion, enhancing their system by down-dating the users' access....right after the controversial article was posted...Is it possible that they have read the article specially intended for them? Go figure! if this is the case, is it possible that all that runs through the system is viewed? screened? filtered? GO FIGURE!!

Nostalgia

rain always brings happy-sad feelings to me.. seems like all happy times i had during my childhood happened while it's raining.. playing syatong in the rain, playing tarzan- tarzan in the rain, usually we have this bagon which we use to cross to the other side of the lunangan (carabao pool). I was really disgusting back then, but basking in the cool rain with your friends is just amazingly fun! I remember how our older playmates bribed me and my sister to sneak out some cookies, rice, candies, tabliya etc.. and we cooked it under our friend's kamalig ...
the smell of rain also reminds me of my mama's delicious champorado which i never get to taste again since the word "high-blood" and "arthritis" came to our house... anyway, rain always brings me back to my mom's warm kitchen..

then came older years, rain always brings me feelings of abandonment.. it was raining when i had first cried over someone.. like a scene on a movie... but i had terrible pain that i later on discovered i actually made a "goodbye world letter"... hahaha.. they said that it's fine to make a heart cold but not frozen!

Then rain signifies sadness...
it was raining when a friend passed away... we were soaked, stifled and numbed knowing that a person so special chooses to die and fade.....it was hard a truth but many choose to die when it's cold..
No matter what, i love the rain it's the time where all frogs have the loudest croak! Mga baki! Let's celebrate our time has finally come!

life with the (IN)-secure DNA

it's so hard to start a day when you're pissed off!
but today is such day that i wanted to butcher people, grill them and feed them to the chicks until they literally become dungs!!
I'm supposed to be happy today 'coz it's the day Paris Hilton will be jailed.. but no! I am pacing back and forth with my eyeballs almost out wagging on the floor just to emphasize that I am angry! Some out of this world aliens are messing up with our computer system.... forever changing our network maps, relocating our files, changing our usernames....messing up with our printers... Hello!!We're so fed up with your constant alibi and technical explanations! Can't you just fix the problem once and for all and go back to your planet!!
No one wants to constantly get angry... but these people are picking on my nerves. I should work with a clear mind but these guys are like nimbus clouds blocking the light!
Quite incidentally, ever since their existence in this company, rats had been constantly invading too! We don't know the correlation between these guys and rats.. but there's a common denominator. Both are menace!!
Okay, enough of my rants!
Well, well...I had my share of karma too... maybe God got fed up with me being naughty too, so last night he sort of remind me that I should slow down with being maldita... Hahahaha, while sleeping in the jeep, the driver suddenly took a stop...he was accelerating so fast so the effect of the stoppage was so much that it plucked me out of my chair!!!! Very embarrassing ..Good that nobody dared to laugh .. or else.... wa lang....
hahahaha...

Captain Planet and ME- Defender of the Universe

..it's already the 3rd day of the new month.. and my mind is still mum with non-sense ideas... basically it's like i'm walking with a non-functional head these few days. I think it is normal, i had episodes like these in the past where i am at my default state---the mor0noic state!! blame it in my medication depriving me of keeping my LTM (long-term memory)non-functional... if my friend would put it.. i am like a streaming video on the net, always buffering... well, well, that's me!!

June is always a special month for me, it's Environment month!!! Hahaha.. roll your eyes guys but I love nature... Hug a tree! (i remember u Ruby). the only thing that i dare not miss even if i'll be dying is watering my plants.... so if it's not love of nature, i don't know what that is... Hahaha, seriously the world is getting worst, by day.. i can feel it through my finger, i feel it in my toes.. coz allergens are all around me... wahhh... the hotter it gets, the lesser my lifeline will be... So i think environment preservation is not just Miss Universe' advocacy but must be for everyone..

We are world eaters, nature parasite, spore bearer!! Shame on us ! Everyone imagines that he/she knows what is possible and impossible, but the whole of time and history attest our ignorance.. We always plagiarize nature... caves into huge buildings, birds into airplanes, fishes to boats, horses to cars.... mouths to telephones/cellphones...eyes to television and more... the mind to computers... wow! The creature who had dropped from some long-ago tree into the grass had managed to totter upright....HAD destroyed the very shelter that embraced him!! The new man has come to look upon nature as a thing outside himself--an object to be manipulated or discarded at will.

Man's powerful , undisciplined imagination had created things which sometimes aids and sometimes destroy him.. If life is made easier it is also made more dependent.. If demands are are stimulated, resources must be consumed...a vicious cycle! An idea advocated by the world's visionaries... Damn them! May Storm and Captain Planet pluck you from this Earth and throw you somewhere in Pluto!!

It's now rainy season, for most of us it means like walking on a bomb-swept mine...magkinto para di mabuthan...let's appreciate nature and rescue what we could....

--^^^^^buffering again------

p.s.
for the politicians who shamelessly posted their disgusting faces and wasted so many papers,
plant trees according to the number of votes garnered.... Hahahahah.. who say Victor Wood can't have the last laugh!!!

DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorder) Ver. 6

-handbook for mental health professionals that lists different categories of mental disorder and the criteria for diagnosing diseases

Case #1

Template: Ayen (27)

Disease: Transient Global Amnesia
Symptoms: if head could be detached, she’ll be walking without it.

- Symptoms typically last for less than a day and there is often no clear precipitating factor nor any other neurological deficits. The cause of this syndrome is not clear, hypothesis include transient reduced blood flow, possible seizure or an atypical type of migraine. Patients are typically amnestic of events more than a few minutes in the past, though immediate recall is usually preserved. (Wikipedia)

Disease: Memory Distrust Syndrome

- describe a situation where someone is unable to trust their own memory.
Stage: Degenerative (Stage 5)/ incurable
Diagnosis: very high possibility of developing Alzheimer’s Disease
Treatment: buy post it, tag everything; attach all your belongings to your body using spring

Case #2

Template: Delia (28)

Disease: Substance Abuse

Symptoms: pops-up pill everyday..
- Recurrent substance use to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home

- pattern of continued pathological use of a medication, non-medically indicated drug or toxin, that results in repeated adverse social consequences related to drug use, such as failure to meet work, family, or school obligations, interpersonal conflicts, or legal problems.

Stage: addict/ incurable
Treatment: kill the “asthma!!!”

Case #3

Template: Elyn(29)

Disease: Severe case of Catalepsy

Symptom: rigidity/fixed posture when photographed

non-manifestation of movement for some psychological reason..

(see above picture)

Treatment: no treatment/ in-born

Case#4

Template: Edna (25)

Disease: Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Symptoms: a result of Post-traumatic stress disorder experienced in the clinic

- Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least six months, about a number of events or activities of for certain person.

Stage: on remission / recovery stage

Treatment: constant exposure to other harmful elements until immune..

Case# 5

Template: Jacinto aka Jfc (40)

Disease: Severe Autism

Symptoms: has his own world

• stares into open areas, doesn't focus on anything specific.
• does not respond to his/her name.
• cannot explain what he/she wants.
• doesn't point or wave "bye-bye."

Stage: Deteriorating
Treatment: exposure to play school

Case #6

Template: Rhoda (25)

Disease: Anorexia Nervosa

Symptoms: non-eating of lunch everyday

- control body weight by voluntary starvation, purging, vomiting, excessive exercise, or other weight control measures, such as diet pills or diuretic drugs

- lack of desire to eat

Stage: 1^st stage

Diagnosis: if left untreated may become another Kate Moss

Treatment: lechon, fried chicken, cheese burger, 2 cups of rice per meal

Important:
This manual reflected the predominant psychodynamic psychiatry.Symptoms were not specified in detail for specific disorders, but were seen as reflections of broad underlying conflicts or maladaptive reactions to life problems, rooted in a distinction between neurosis and psychosis/hallucinations/delusions appearing disconnected from reality). Sociological and biological knowledge was also incorporated, in a model that did not emphasize a clear boundary between normality and abnormality.