when friends are sad....

-sometimes words ain't enough....
how can one comfort the other in the truest sense?.. words spoken are merely words, no power ,no strength, it doesn't cease the pain nor solve the problem..
this i realized.. I've been thru my own share of downs but it never reach the pit the way a friend is experiencing right now...I want to cry her pain but i feel that i don't even have the slightest sense of how painful her life is so i could only stifle my feelings and just watch her cry her self out..
maybe she only need my silence so i could hear her...i wish i could give her my time but you know, i don' t even own one-half of it. I wish i could give her a million but i don't have any...
the only thing i could give her maybe, is being her bestfriend.........

hey!!
i could be ur slave for a month
promo period ends: August 13, 2007

spaced out.....

Oppps,,opps. just got back from the grave! O hisashiburri desu ne!!
When i usually get silent it means some broths getting cooked... ahahha.
Basically, i'm extremely busy at some point and extremely bored on other times so just the mere thought of writing or even thinking is too damned hard...i'm in my robotic stage where i moved by command. Many people get confused when i am at this state but real friends knew that this is just an episode , no feelings involved.. haha..

time flies too fast before we knew it, another month would gracefully exit and comes another month..it is so sudden that most of the nights when my eyes just won't close, i ask my self.. "what have i done today?" and the answer would be "nothing significant". Sometimes it just hit me hard and made me sad but most of the times i don't bother. I am 26, some of my batch mates are doing significantly great while others are doing miserably awful...i am in the middle- in the safe ground..i am waiting for things to happen and i let people wait for me... bakka!! This is the real scenario and a lot of people are pressuring me into doing what is conventionally done by people at my age....marry the guy!!!..but it's just not rational to do it now.. it's like suicide for me... it's nice to have someone in your life, it's total bliss, total happiness, it's crappy, it's mushy , it's corny to be in love yet , IT is aLSo wondErFul..

just yesterday i had a serious talk with my cousin..and we talked much things we never dared mentioned to any living soul.. finally i get to blurt some bitter vile i've been keeping and it made me breathe just to finally let it out.. thanks to her..

to those concern:
i will marry when george clooney decides that we finally end our dating stage and settle down for good. hahaha
p.s.
Otoko wa doko desu ka? Yoi otoko o kudasai....お願いします。
どうもありがとう。

Tatay, My Super Hero

i remember vividly when i was 6 years old and my sister is 7... we were called by our father right after dinner to have an important talk... you know, we don't usually talk serious matters in the house, so when things like that happens we usually get nervous....

" okay..from now on, i want both of you to call me Tatay instead of Papa..." my father said..

" are we becoming poor?" i ask.... You see, some of our poor playmates call their father "tatay", while all our rich playmates call their father "Daddy or Papa" so i had this notion that the word tatay had that connotation... well, anyway ... we called my father "Tatay"... our elder siblings call him "Papa"....

- a father is a hero, for the constant unselfishness they had. My father had always been away while we are growing up, i remember it right , he was assigned to almost all parts and corners of the Philippines to set up systems and sometimes we don't see him for months but I always knew that my father is somewhere feeding his loneliness with the thought of giving good future to his family...

- a father is a safe refuge... When i was little up til now, I always feel safe when my father is around, he is like Batman who is always on the look out for bad elements...Even tired, he never complains of driving us around just to get us safe to where wanted to go..Even tired, he and mama never sleep waiting for us to safely arrived home..

- a father is a unique entertainer... Tatay had always been a serious person. Never smiled easily and don't talk much.. But my father had his ways of keeping us happy. He never failed to bring some goodies from work when i was little.. Tatay's arrival home has always been a race for us..always excited what he had for us... even if he has no money but we always had that special white rabbit as "pasalubong"...

-a father is an ATM machine forver...my father had been a very good provider... We never had much but we always had enough..I know how my father work his ass off just to send us to good school and provide us comfortable lives. Uptil now, i still bother asking my father some money specially when i run out of cash... hehehe..

- a father is a lightning when you seemed spaced out...i had made loads of blunders in my life.. and many times, i get spaced out, blinded by things ..i had a rebellious soul, so i do things without considering the consequence... so when i seemed to lost track, bang!!! my dad is like Zeus throwing angry lightnings at me!!

I am very proud of the man who became my father.. I had always been happy to be his daughter...I am happy for the things he had accomplished in his life and I will forever be grateful for this person who unconditionally loved his family..

To the man I love the most, to my Tatay!!

Happy Father's Day!!

Vengeance of the Aliens

the aliens had finally made their attack!!!..... to manifest their power and existence in this world we call LFI!! The mission: to decapitate the livings and just make us shut up!! it was obviously a retaliation of the previously written article which my colleagues responded with ardent hatred as if the aliens had done them crimes worthy of capital punishment!! Well, anyway... there's no stopping me of writing anythings, unless they take out my keypad.. These guys might had taken a course in Behavioral Conditioning...you know B.F. Skinner the proponent of behavioral conditioning? He had promoted the idea of both Positive reinforcement and Negative reinforcement. The idea is introducing a positive reinforcement in order to elicit favorable response....very well done! Then came the inevitable! Implementing negative reinforcement to elicit a response...What then is a negative reinforcement? It is not putting some negative stimulus in the environment but taking away the perks and the add-ons... basically this is what the aliens are doing in their subtle invasion, enhancing their system by down-dating the users' access....right after the controversial article was posted...Is it possible that they have read the article specially intended for them? Go figure! if this is the case, is it possible that all that runs through the system is viewed? screened? filtered? GO FIGURE!!

Nostalgia

rain always brings happy-sad feelings to me.. seems like all happy times i had during my childhood happened while it's raining.. playing syatong in the rain, playing tarzan- tarzan in the rain, usually we have this bagon which we use to cross to the other side of the lunangan (carabao pool). I was really disgusting back then, but basking in the cool rain with your friends is just amazingly fun! I remember how our older playmates bribed me and my sister to sneak out some cookies, rice, candies, tabliya etc.. and we cooked it under our friend's kamalig ...
the smell of rain also reminds me of my mama's delicious champorado which i never get to taste again since the word "high-blood" and "arthritis" came to our house... anyway, rain always brings me back to my mom's warm kitchen..

then came older years, rain always brings me feelings of abandonment.. it was raining when i had first cried over someone.. like a scene on a movie... but i had terrible pain that i later on discovered i actually made a "goodbye world letter"... hahaha.. they said that it's fine to make a heart cold but not frozen!

Then rain signifies sadness...
it was raining when a friend passed away... we were soaked, stifled and numbed knowing that a person so special chooses to die and fade.....it was hard a truth but many choose to die when it's cold..
No matter what, i love the rain it's the time where all frogs have the loudest croak! Mga baki! Let's celebrate our time has finally come!

life with the (IN)-secure DNA

it's so hard to start a day when you're pissed off!
but today is such day that i wanted to butcher people, grill them and feed them to the chicks until they literally become dungs!!
I'm supposed to be happy today 'coz it's the day Paris Hilton will be jailed.. but no! I am pacing back and forth with my eyeballs almost out wagging on the floor just to emphasize that I am angry! Some out of this world aliens are messing up with our computer system.... forever changing our network maps, relocating our files, changing our usernames....messing up with our printers... Hello!!We're so fed up with your constant alibi and technical explanations! Can't you just fix the problem once and for all and go back to your planet!!
No one wants to constantly get angry... but these people are picking on my nerves. I should work with a clear mind but these guys are like nimbus clouds blocking the light!
Quite incidentally, ever since their existence in this company, rats had been constantly invading too! We don't know the correlation between these guys and rats.. but there's a common denominator. Both are menace!!
Okay, enough of my rants!
Well, well...I had my share of karma too... maybe God got fed up with me being naughty too, so last night he sort of remind me that I should slow down with being maldita... Hahahaha, while sleeping in the jeep, the driver suddenly took a stop...he was accelerating so fast so the effect of the stoppage was so much that it plucked me out of my chair!!!! Very embarrassing ..Good that nobody dared to laugh .. or else.... wa lang....
hahahaha...

Captain Planet and ME- Defender of the Universe

..it's already the 3rd day of the new month.. and my mind is still mum with non-sense ideas... basically it's like i'm walking with a non-functional head these few days. I think it is normal, i had episodes like these in the past where i am at my default state---the mor0noic state!! blame it in my medication depriving me of keeping my LTM (long-term memory)non-functional... if my friend would put it.. i am like a streaming video on the net, always buffering... well, well, that's me!!

June is always a special month for me, it's Environment month!!! Hahaha.. roll your eyes guys but I love nature... Hug a tree! (i remember u Ruby). the only thing that i dare not miss even if i'll be dying is watering my plants.... so if it's not love of nature, i don't know what that is... Hahaha, seriously the world is getting worst, by day.. i can feel it through my finger, i feel it in my toes.. coz allergens are all around me... wahhh... the hotter it gets, the lesser my lifeline will be... So i think environment preservation is not just Miss Universe' advocacy but must be for everyone..

We are world eaters, nature parasite, spore bearer!! Shame on us ! Everyone imagines that he/she knows what is possible and impossible, but the whole of time and history attest our ignorance.. We always plagiarize nature... caves into huge buildings, birds into airplanes, fishes to boats, horses to cars.... mouths to telephones/cellphones...eyes to television and more... the mind to computers... wow! The creature who had dropped from some long-ago tree into the grass had managed to totter upright....HAD destroyed the very shelter that embraced him!! The new man has come to look upon nature as a thing outside himself--an object to be manipulated or discarded at will.

Man's powerful , undisciplined imagination had created things which sometimes aids and sometimes destroy him.. If life is made easier it is also made more dependent.. If demands are are stimulated, resources must be consumed...a vicious cycle! An idea advocated by the world's visionaries... Damn them! May Storm and Captain Planet pluck you from this Earth and throw you somewhere in Pluto!!

It's now rainy season, for most of us it means like walking on a bomb-swept mine...magkinto para di mabuthan...let's appreciate nature and rescue what we could....

--^^^^^buffering again------

p.s.
for the politicians who shamelessly posted their disgusting faces and wasted so many papers,
plant trees according to the number of votes garnered.... Hahahahah.. who say Victor Wood can't have the last laugh!!!

DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorder) Ver. 6

-handbook for mental health professionals that lists different categories of mental disorder and the criteria for diagnosing diseases

Case #1

Template: Ayen (27)

Disease: Transient Global Amnesia
Symptoms: if head could be detached, she’ll be walking without it.

- Symptoms typically last for less than a day and there is often no clear precipitating factor nor any other neurological deficits. The cause of this syndrome is not clear, hypothesis include transient reduced blood flow, possible seizure or an atypical type of migraine. Patients are typically amnestic of events more than a few minutes in the past, though immediate recall is usually preserved. (Wikipedia)

Disease: Memory Distrust Syndrome

- describe a situation where someone is unable to trust their own memory.
Stage: Degenerative (Stage 5)/ incurable
Diagnosis: very high possibility of developing Alzheimer’s Disease
Treatment: buy post it, tag everything; attach all your belongings to your body using spring

Case #2

Template: Delia (28)

Disease: Substance Abuse

Symptoms: pops-up pill everyday..
- Recurrent substance use to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home

- pattern of continued pathological use of a medication, non-medically indicated drug or toxin, that results in repeated adverse social consequences related to drug use, such as failure to meet work, family, or school obligations, interpersonal conflicts, or legal problems.

Stage: addict/ incurable
Treatment: kill the “asthma!!!”

Case #3

Template: Elyn(29)

Disease: Severe case of Catalepsy

Symptom: rigidity/fixed posture when photographed

non-manifestation of movement for some psychological reason..

(see above picture)

Treatment: no treatment/ in-born

Case#4

Template: Edna (25)

Disease: Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Symptoms: a result of Post-traumatic stress disorder experienced in the clinic

- Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least six months, about a number of events or activities of for certain person.

Stage: on remission / recovery stage

Treatment: constant exposure to other harmful elements until immune..

Case# 5

Template: Jacinto aka Jfc (40)

Disease: Severe Autism

Symptoms: has his own world

• stares into open areas, doesn't focus on anything specific.
• does not respond to his/her name.
• cannot explain what he/she wants.
• doesn't point or wave "bye-bye."

Stage: Deteriorating
Treatment: exposure to play school

Case #6

Template: Rhoda (25)

Disease: Anorexia Nervosa

Symptoms: non-eating of lunch everyday

- control body weight by voluntary starvation, purging, vomiting, excessive exercise, or other weight control measures, such as diet pills or diuretic drugs

- lack of desire to eat

Stage: 1^st stage

Diagnosis: if left untreated may become another Kate Moss

Treatment: lechon, fried chicken, cheese burger, 2 cups of rice per meal

Important:
This manual reflected the predominant psychodynamic psychiatry.Symptoms were not specified in detail for specific disorders, but were seen as reflections of broad underlying conflicts or maladaptive reactions to life problems, rooted in a distinction between neurosis and psychosis/hallucinations/delusions appearing disconnected from reality). Sociological and biological knowledge was also incorporated, in a model that did not emphasize a clear boundary between normality and abnormality.

>>these are the few of my favorite things

kalammmmiiii sa menudo...




palitaw






fresh lumpia



crispy pata



sisig




-manggang hilaw with halang na hipon

suicidal friends

believe it or not.. someoneone once threatened to die for her mouse...let's just call the 2 arrogant, tyrant, horrible mice Ping and Pong (if you're Korean, you could guess right that the original name was actually Bing-Bong) but naming them actually might resurrect the old pains of my dear friend, so itago na lang nato sa pangalan nga Ping-Pong..

this is not my typical animal story.. this is serious and delicate..

well, 6 years ago in the crazy confines of UP, we have this horrible project of actually morphing animals to humans by basically making them behave like humans... imagine the horrible lessons this little beast must undergo everyday just to please his master.. if the boss tells Pong "sit!"- then Pong sits. Torturer!!! whoever sees a mouse squat on his tailss.. animal rights!! if the boss tells Pong "stand in one foot" then Pong stands on his sole heel. if the boss says "repeat after me, re--fri--dye-- ray--tor" -- then Pong says re-fri-dye-ray-tor.... Pong was so obedient that the master decided to put him on a maze..at first the mouse was so great that he could get out in a beat.. but later, it got so tired and dizzy that it got sick... poor Pong!!

just because mice are nocturnal and the boss is not... Pong plays at night with Ping while he trains in the morning with the boss... 1 day before the Morphing Exhibition while all other animals are conversing with their trainors...Pong died....

the master was so devastated that she threatens to die with Pong....

whatever happens to Ping? never heard since Pong's death...

whatever happens to the Boss? well, well she eventually recovered and shifted on breeding dogs instead...so, if you see someone posted her dog's face instead of her face on friendster ... then it's her... !!!

-- another unbelievable friend threatened to kill herself because of Math! hmm, i think i could understand her. Math is inevitable, hideous, whoever invented it must be suffering in hell for the nightly curses he received from the math-phobics' prayers. Well, my friend somewhat flanked in a certain quiz and she took it to heart ... when class was over , she was nowhere to be found... instead of sitting in the lobby waiting for her crush to passed by (which was her knock-off time habit), she was alone , silently weeping and sitting in the 4th floor corridor waiting for the right timing and background music to jump! hahahaha... crazy stuff!

hahaha, all people go thru this stage...even GMA might have written a suicide note once in her life.. it's perfectly human to be sad and depressed over trivial things... these friends are just doing it the OA-way....

Praise yah friends!! may unta mang-daghan mo!!