- needless to say, i had very few people in my life. I could count them easily. Sometimes, i wonder why I am not like others. I don't like many people and not so many people liked me too... One of my friend bluntly told me, "maybe because you are too obvious of your dislike to them". "Maybe you are too obvious that you don't want them in your life". Maybe that is true...
You see, attachment is an issue for me, i like people but i don't like attachment. I don't like duty-bound relationship. I shun commitment because it makes you unreal. Without commitment, people can move freely...I can move freely. The thought of having someone track you down 24/7 and you reporting to that particular someone like a mafia boss is soooo so annoying for me.
Many people thought of my disbelief in commitment as a sort of disloyalty...or a sort of personality defect in my part.. But you know, the bottom line is, i just fear losing people... And much more, losing many people.... so i keep small number of them.. The smaller their number, the bigger part will be left of me once they decide to leave....
That is selfish analogy, but truth is truth...And that's how i see it.
Some of the people i chose to keep, leave. And i let them. I forget them, no tears no issue. But the trouble is, when these people decide to come back....It shakes me and baffles me where to place these people in my life again. It disturbs me... "what to do?"
Meeting them is like smelling that wilted flower again. Alive yet dead...
I just wish they never left.....i wish they did not come back.....
No comments:
Post a Comment